I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize