you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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