My hair reeks of homosexuality.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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