Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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