Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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