Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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