just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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