guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize