Tell her she can't have a vagina
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize