Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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