Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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