I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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