I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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