a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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