then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize