my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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