The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize