her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize