i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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