I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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