sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
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I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize