After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize