We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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