So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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