Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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