Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize