Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I would ride that face into the sunset
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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