I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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