new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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