I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize