wrigley field is MILF paradise
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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