the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize