I can tuck mytits in my pants
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
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Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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