Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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