apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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