dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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