i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize