I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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