and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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