dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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