I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize