I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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