respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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