i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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