ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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