I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize