Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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