There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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