You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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