i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's always time for handjobs
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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